mom,
We had our differences, I was angry at you for all the wrong reasons and for that I'm sorry. I regret not spending more time with you, your life on this earth was too short. I remember how, when I was little, I would cry at the thought of you leaving this world. And now you have, and I have to say that those juvenile feelings were right on. I am so sorry and I love you more than I ever let you know.
R.I.P. Michele Long you will be forever in my heart.
...my attempt to be spontaneously poetic, I wrote;
Lost in rows of daffodils, I saw your eyes and they said, I walk as if encompassed in a frame.
It was fall and the weather was like cotton candy in my mouth.
The ocean's sparkles reflected the stars, and the stars reflected the white specks on a pigeon's wing.
The air brought me close to the trees that swung like clothes on a line.
My dreams last night were of spider webs that held me up in a cocoon stuck to a plaster wall, and the ladybugs were eating my hair.
I closed my eyes and saw the clock of my life winding down, and when the hands stopped, I died.
Ever have one of those days when there is so much on your mind, yet you have nothing to say.
When you're not sad, but not happy.
Overwhelming ambivalence.
You're simply there, participating in the day.
You have thoughts of days gone by, where you said so much and it meant so little.. Where your words just filled the air, then quickly floated away.
And what everyone else says has such significance, and penetrates your mind in ways that make you feel insipid.
When you're searching for your path but still spend your time meandering aimlessly.
Making plans that go nowhere.
Making friendships that dissolve instantly.
Making memories that you will soon forget.
Yet you keep searching, but you don't know what your looking for.
You keep wanting, but you don't know for what.
Your seduced by time, then time becomes a serpent which devours you alive.
Every thing in your life becomes a fleeting thought, experience, memory, feeling.
The beauty you felt.
The pain you saw.
The pleasure you experienced.
The moment you hoped would never pass, is gone, and you cannot summon the strength to repeat it.
You lay there starving, like a wilted flower, shriveling, yearning for the strength, and the beauty you once hoped to have, you once hoped to be.
The most wonderful place on earth to watch the sunset, as well as the sunrise.
Have I mentioned that San Francisco is the best city on earth? In fact, I'll do ya one better, San Francisco is by far the most peaceful major metropolitan city in the world. Oh, but since I've never been out of the US I guess I should say, in America. And well, since I haven't really been to every major metropolitan city in American I should say that its the most peaceful one that I've ever been to. You know, just to be clear.
Anyway, since I've been back for good, I've felt centered, I've felt peaceful, I've felt at home, even though I don't exactly have a home just yet. But that's OK I still quite like it here. (can ya tell?)
I won't leave again! Leaving turns me into a monster, and nobody likes monsters right?
:)
xo,
Tawnya
I'm moving back to San Francisco. Well, not exactly SF, I'm going to go with the 'more bang for the buck' path and move to Oakland. I've got an artist's loft pinned down and am in the works of dealings with the owner.. Thing is, I'm phone-less, and in Brooklyn... its a sketchy situation....
So on the other hand, I was walking through Cobble Hill today, its a neighborhood in Brooklyn. There were these two, young, 20 something people on the street. They were stopping people asking them to sign a petition to support good change for the environment. Now I'm not gonna lie, being broke most of the time, I steer clear of them and smile and say, "no I'm sorry, I'm broke". But today something caught my eye, one of them was being yelled at by some snarky, old school, old man, with an intense Brooklyn accent. I only caught the tail end of his rants, only noticing it because of the expression on the poor girl's face, which clearly showed how uncomfortable he was making her...
What I heard was this, "The environment!!! How is me signing a piece of paper going to help the environment? _And_ furthermore... are you doing this for that black man Obama who jokingly is running for presidency? Anyone in their right mind won't help to lead him to victory... A black man can't lead a free nation!
The girl saw two other people approaching her and turned her back to him after that comment, and continued doing her job. Not an easy job either, its not like cold calling, where your simply a voice on a phone and can usually shrug off the rejection. She is staring these people in the face and taking the rejection as she looks them in the eye.
Now I don't know this girl maybe she is doing it because she truly believes in the cause, maybe she's doing it because she really needs some money. Either way I admire her strength.. She deserves every penny she makes..
Anyway, I continue walking, and as luck would have it, I'm right behind mister racist man of the year. He stops to talk to a man who believe it or not, is even older than him, sitting outside an apartment building, on a folded, chair drinking iced tea, his cute black lab at his side, both enjoying the shade. And says out of nowhere, "Can you believe people are supporting this clown? A black man can't run our country! At least they got a little smart and realized a woman definitely can't run our country!" It sort of confused me, I can't tell if this poor unfortunate bystander knew the guy from the neighborhood or just happen to be caught in the line of fire. The guy on the chair didn't respond and the ogre of a man moved on mumbling under his breath... "4 years with a black man at the helm, for git about et!"
And I'm truly not kidding about the 'forget about it' part, he must have said that like 15 times during all the rants I heard him give.
Ah yeah gotta love New York.. Or if your like me, you have a love hate relationship and can't wait to get back home to the bay area!
On another note, I took a bunch of photos of Red Hook a few weeks back. When I'm finished editing the sizes of them I'll post my little photo journey through the neighborhood its quite nice.. its been my favorite place to live in NY thus far. Though I'm probably leaving at the best time.. Ikea, less than 1 mile away is opening in one week.. Um, except it would be cool to say that you can walk to Ikea from your home no?
xo,
T
;)
ok so I know I've been gone for ever and ever, and I can't promise that I'll be updating regularly until I finish the move to San Francisco. However I recently did this and it was fun, and it made me happy because the average age thus far is almost twelve years younger than I actually am... Its a recent photo too! Woo!
Hi excuse my hiatus. I have much going on. I'll be back and running soon I hope!
Be back very, very soon.
Ok Criticize them if you want to, "no one older than 15 should join" blah blah blah. I have been contacted by more old friends via myspace and facebook that I ever was via phone. I gotta be honest. I'm a huge fan, twitter, friendster, myspace, facebook, thisnext, digg and so on... Anyway one of my closest high school friends just emailed me via myspace, and I'm not gonna lie, I looked her up a million times but her name has changed, as did her face, her life and her location so it was impossible to find her.
I'm so happy to hear from her, I can't wait to reconnect, have coffee, a little chat about her new little 2 year old Noah.
On the downside, she spoke of a mutual friend of ours who had recently been killed(she found me via another mutual friend at his funeral) After receiving the news, I did some research and it turns out that our friend Vu was a 7 year veteran of the Sacramento sheriff's department. He was in pursuit of a gang member and was shot in the neck. He died on the operation table this past December. Poor Vu, he was just married.
This is terrible, when I hear of friends dying or getting sick I realize how fragile we actually are. Makes me want to call everyone I know and say "hi, I hope your well and I'm thinking of you"
I feel terrible for his family. I actually know several of Vu's siblings however Phoung, and Ang are the two I knew best. Vu's murderer was just 15, how could a 15 year old already have such a cold heart?
Here is an article to explain a bit more and a bit better than I did.
-tawnya
