mom,
We had our differences, I was angry at you for all the wrong reasons and for that I'm sorry. I regret not spending more time with you, your life on this earth was too short. I remember how, when I was little, I would cry at the thought of you leaving this world. And now you have, and I have to say that those juvenile feelings were right on. I am so sorry and I love you more than I ever let you know.
R.I.P. Michele Long you will be forever in my heart.
...my attempt to be spontaneously poetic, I wrote;
Lost in rows of daffodils, I saw your eyes and they said, I walk as if encompassed in a frame.
It was fall and the weather was like cotton candy in my mouth.
The ocean's sparkles reflected the stars, and the stars reflected the white specks on a pigeon's wing.
The air brought me close to the trees that swung like clothes on a line.
My dreams last night were of spider webs that held me up in a cocoon stuck to a plaster wall, and the ladybugs were eating my hair.
I closed my eyes and saw the clock of my life winding down, and when the hands stopped, I died.
Ever have one of those days when there is so much on your mind, yet you have nothing to say.
When you're not sad, but not happy.
Overwhelming ambivalence.
You're simply there, participating in the day.
You have thoughts of days gone by, where you said so much and it meant so little.. Where your words just filled the air, then quickly floated away.
And what everyone else says has such significance, and penetrates your mind in ways that make you feel insipid.
When you're searching for your path but still spend your time meandering aimlessly.
Making plans that go nowhere.
Making friendships that dissolve instantly.
Making memories that you will soon forget.
Yet you keep searching, but you don't know what your looking for.
You keep wanting, but you don't know for what.
Your seduced by time, then time becomes a serpent which devours you alive.
Every thing in your life becomes a fleeting thought, experience, memory, feeling.
The beauty you felt.
The pain you saw.
The pleasure you experienced.
The moment you hoped would never pass, is gone, and you cannot summon the strength to repeat it.
You lay there starving, like a wilted flower, shriveling, yearning for the strength, and the beauty you once hoped to have, you once hoped to be.
The most wonderful place on earth to watch the sunset, as well as the sunrise.
Have I mentioned that San Francisco is the best city on earth? In fact, I'll do ya one better, San Francisco is by far the most peaceful major metropolitan city in the world. Oh, but since I've never been out of the US I guess I should say, in America. And well, since I haven't really been to every major metropolitan city in American I should say that its the most peaceful one that I've ever been to. You know, just to be clear.
Anyway, since I've been back for good, I've felt centered, I've felt peaceful, I've felt at home, even though I don't exactly have a home just yet. But that's OK I still quite like it here. (can ya tell?)
I won't leave again! Leaving turns me into a monster, and nobody likes monsters right?
:)
xo,
Tawnya
